Why are intrusive thoughts louder in the evening, and how can we stop them?
There’s nothing worse than getting into bed after a long day, feeling completely exhausted, and being hit with a wave of anxiety. All of a sudden, your mind comes alive as soon as your head hits the pillow and you shut your eyes. You’re bombarded with thought after thought.
Whether it’s remembering the things you didn’t pick up at the grocery store, or something else that you need to add onto your to-do list for work tomorrow. It could be replaying the conversation you had with a work colleague as they started excitedly firing questions at you regarding your pregnancy, or feeling a cramp in your body and imagining the worst-case scenario.
Our mind can get a bit wild at night time, and we tend to have more negative thoughts then too. We can even start to feel quite anxious at night time as a result.
So, it begs the question – why do we have more intrusive thoughts at night time?
Here are a few things that may be affecting your mind at night.
Your brain struggles to focus when it’s tired. And because of this, there is more open space for it to roam about – which makes us more susceptible to intrusive, anxious or negative thoughts.
You’re less distracted. When you’re running around during the day, working on that project, thinking of all the things on your to-do list etc, there is less room for the intrusive thoughts. Your mind has probably been begging for your attention, but you’ve been pushing it aside. That little niggle or self-doubt has been overlooked all day, so as soon as you close your eyes at night, it seizes its opportunity and comes at you with a vengeance.
We tend to scroll on our phone on social media more at night, and when we do that, it actually affects our breathing patterns. Try it yourself, or watch your partner when they scroll to see the effect. And when we’re not getting enough oxygen in our body, that can start an anxiety spiral. Our brain switches off, and we start having those intrusive thoughts getting in.
It makes sense now, doesn’t it? There are some very good reasons WHY this is happening – no it’s not just you.
And now we know why, we can create some practices in your day to alleviate the negative thoughts, so you can get a better night’s sleep.
Firstly, let’s have a look at the thoughts that are coming up. When you feel that twinge, and your mind imagines the worst-case scenario, we need to recognize that this thought, is just that. A thought. One of the techniques that I apply personally is to actually say out loud (or to myself if I’m in a crowd) “this is an intrusive thought”. I see it for what it is. Remind yourself that an intrusive thought is not a prediction of the future. When we minimize it from the beginning, we stop it in it’s tracks before it can perpetuate into anything larger.
If we let our mind keep believing it, we end up running a mental movie in our minds. It’s a horror film and includes all the horrible images we can conjure up. I blame the movies on making your bed the scene we play the most in our head when we think of miscarriage and pregnancy loss. There are way too many movies where the lead actress is in bed and pulls back the covers, only to reveal the scene of a loss.
But here’s the amazing thing about our minds. We are in control of it. And if we can play a horror film, we can also switch the channel. Remember – we are the director. Try yelling CUT! and then switch the channel. Play a scene where you’re floating on your back in the ocean, feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin, while listening to the seagulls chirping above.
Another strategy that I use is to see the thought and imagine myself hitting it with a baseball bat and seeing it fly through the air. You can use any analogy with this really – picture yourself putting the thought in a balloon and letting it fly away, or it could be a soccer ball that you kick to the other side of the park.
It's also important to be gentle with ourselves. When we start replaying that scene in our head, we tend to berate ourselves. We question why we had the thought; we wonder what is wrong with us, and we punish ourselves for having them. A lot of our intrusive thoughts are as a result of our past experience, or stories we have heard from others. So, it’s understandable that its sitting in the back of your mind. Show yourself some compassion for the path you have been down. If you accept the thoughts for what they are – merely intrusive thoughts – we don’t give them any more power.
Another thing that can help is to get some rest during the day. If you work from home and can squeeze in a cheeky nap, do it! Or if you finish work and are feeling tired, treat yourself to a 30-minute power nap on the couch before you start cooking dinner (or better still – ask your partner to make it!). That way, when you hop into bed at the end of the day, you aren’t as frazzled or brain-tired, and can still control your thoughts.
You can also create a night-time routine that is conducive to healthy thoughts. Watching what you consume at night (try to stay away from the horror films), less scrolling on social media, implementing breath work or meditation apps. Using a weighted eye pillow that is scented can also help, because it engages your other senses which helps guide your mind away from the intrusive thoughts.
For more tips on getting a better night’s sleep, you can refer to our previous blog HERE.
And if you’d like a safe space to come whenever you feel those intrusive thoughts come up, you can join us inside Your Pregnancy Haven. Our community is filled with the most amazing women from all over the world. Which means that if you wake up in the middle of the night and need some comfort that you’re not going crazy, someone will be awake to show you kindness and support.
You can join us and find all the relief, love and peace HERE.
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