Tips for choosing the right doctor for your pre-natal care after infertility or loss.

When pregnant after infertility or loss, WHO you choose for your pre-natal care can mean the difference between a pregnancy filled with grief, fear and anxiety, or one filled with relief and comfort.

Too many times, we suffer in silence and overwhelmed with anxiety because we don’t feel like we can speak up for ourselves.  It’s sad that we have to fight so hard to be heard, and to be treated with care - but if we don’t advocate for ourselves, no one else will. 

I also find it sad that there are doctors and clinics out there, who are completely insensitive to our needs.  They aren’t all like this, however the number of horror stories I hear about doctors and receptionists who say inappropriate comments or remarks – things you should NEVER say to a woman going through a loss, or pregnancy after loss is disgusting.  There really needs to be more education around this. But here we are. 

So, I’m here to give you a little courage and a little push in the right direction.

You should NOT have to settle when it comes to your doctor.  If you think you don’t have a choice, you DO.  And I can promise you, nine months is a really long time to be with a doctor or clinic who you don’t feel comfortable with. 

Here are some tips in advocating for yourself, and what to look for in your pre-natal care clinic.

1. Find someone who will listen to you and your concerns.  If you’ve suffered losses or it’s taken you quite some time to get pregnant, you’re going to be anxious right now.  So, choosing a doctor and a clinic who are sensitive to your feelings and needs is important.  They need to acknowledge your path to get here, and not minimize your loss or your fears.  You need to feel heard, and not dismissed or made to feel like you’re crazy. If you need extra scans to give you reassurance, ask if they will agree to it.

2. You need to trust them. If you’ve had a previous loss or a bad experience with the same doctor, and it hasn’t been resolved, you will be second guessing every decision they make.  If your doctor didn’t listen to you in your previous pregnancy and you believe that if they had, things would have turned out differently, you need to have an honest conversation with them.  If they can’t give you reassurance that they will try something different this time, definitely think about switching doctors or clinics or both. 

3. Where there is previous trauma.  If the thought of going into the clinic rooms where previous bad news was given gives you heart palpitations, see if you can be seen in another treatment room.  If your clinic won’t allow it, you may also need to switch clinics.  Ultrasound appointments are hard enough, without the trauma of past experiences haunting you.

4. Location. Of course, it would be fantastic if your clinic was close, however it’s better to choose good care, over convenience.  Driving an extra 20 minutes down the road is worth it, when you know you’re going to be looked after and listened to.

5. Specialist capability.  If you’ve had complications in previous pregnancies or have a condition that requires specialist care, it helps if they have the capability and knowledge to care for you. Make sure they are qualified for the job.  Because this isn’t just a job for you, it’s really f*cking important.

6. Look at your insurance.  It’s important to understand what your insurance does and doesn’t cover. What clinics and hospitals are included in their network etc.

7. Ask your friends and family for referrals.  Rather than going in blind, referrals can provide a great source of comfort and relief.

8. Trust your intuition.  If something doesn’t feel right, keep looking around. 

When pregnant after infertility or loss, you may find yourself living from scan to scan.  You may also be constantly seeking reassurance.  So, WHO you choose to provide your care, will make a huge difference to your pregnancy experience.  Your medical care should not add to your anxiety, it should alleviate it.

Don’t be afraid to get a second opinion or change clinics. Drop any type of guilt you may be feeling of being high maintenance.  You deserve superior care, because this is really important. 

And right now, your comfort, and the safety of your baby, is the ONLY thing that matters.

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