Make informed decisions about your labor to achieve the ideal birth.

Do you struggle making decisions?  For a lot of us, by the time we’re pregnant after infertility or loss, we tend to make decisions on the fly. We’re used to deciding things inside the trauma of loss, or from a place of desperation or grief. Or we are paralyzed by fear and are stuck in the middle, unable to move in either direction. We lose faith in ourselves to make the “right” decision.

But what about birth?

If the thought of making decisions for birth triggers you already, you’re not alone.  For a lot of us, just uttering the words “I am pregnant” can send us into a hot mess express spiral.  Yet despite this transition being hard, it is inevitable. It’s not something we can run from.

If you’re not sure how you’re going to make decisions for your birth and labor, you’re in luck. I asked our resident Doula inside Your Pregnancy Haven to help with this.

This blog is written by the amazing Chelsea Simpson from Agate Bloom Fertility + Birth.  In it, she shares a decision making tool to help you advocate for yourself and make decisions for your labor and birth (in a way that feels comfortable for you)…..

The birth of a baby is a unique moment in life that we can never replicate. It marks the beginning of a whole new chapter, and while we anxiously await the arrival of a safe and healthy baby, there are A LOT of decisions being made to get to that point. As someone who has gone through infertility or loss, you may be no stranger to advocating for yourself, so the idea of incorporating advocacy in your labor, might feel pretty familiar to you.

The ideal birth looks like this:

1. You are healthy

2. Baby is healthy

3. Everyone is safe

4. Everyone is supported

5. Everyone is happy

What does it take to get this result? Well, it depends on so many factors. Every labor is going to look different, so we can’t tell you to “Do XYZ and you’ll get the perfect birth.” If that were the case, we really wouldn’t need advocacy and informed decision making… that would just be how birth is.

What it takes to get everyone healthy, safe, supported, and happy is entirely circumstantial. Not only in the medical sense, but because everyone’s priorities are unique and special to them.

When I had my daughter, I didn’t know about this tool I’m about to share with you. I did know, however, that I wanted certain things out of my labor. I wish I would’ve known what to ask in those moments, because I remember two things: hoping my wishes that were written on the whiteboard in my hospital room would be respected, and an absolute blur of how we got from point A to point Z.

So how can you make sure you and your birth team are taking active steps in the direction of achieving your ideal birth? Consider this simple acronym as a tool:

Benefits

Risks

Alternatives

Intuition

No (or Not right now)

As choices in your care come up, you can use BRAIN to help you make informed decisions. Talk with your provider about these things, talk to your partner, listen to yourself.

Let’s go over BRAIN step by step.

Benefits – What benefits may result from this choice?

Risks – What are the risks involved? What if it doesn’t work?

Alternatives – Are there any alternative choices that might give a similar result? Maybe something less invasive we could try first? If so, what are the benefits and risks to those options?

Intuition – What is my gut telling me when I think about this choice?

No (or Not right now) – What happens if I say no to this option, or if I hold off on it or any alternatives right now?

When you’re working through BRAIN, know that in most cases, you DO NOT need to make a decision right away. Ask your provider if you and your baby are safe in this moment, to allow yourself time to process whatever choice is being presented to you. Once you gather the B-R-A parts of BRAIN, you can kindly ask your provider to step out to give you time to think it over, and to talk with your partner or support person about what your gut is telling you.

And never forget the power of support during your labor. Whoever is supporting you in your birth - whether that’s your partner, mom, friend, or even a doula – make sure they know BRAIN. Labor can get intense, and it can be difficult to field these questions yourself when you’re experiencing contractions. By ensuring everyone around you knows how to help you advocate for a positive birth experience, you can offload some of that stress.

Support is not something extra, it’s essential and you deserve a village like Your Pregnancy Haven. It can be hard to advocate for yourself, however our community is there to encourage you to seek the best possible outcome and to put yourself first.

I am constantly amazed at how empowered people can be when they experience the journey of building a family. Watching clients go from wide eyed to honed in, learning their body’s abilities and feeling safe in their environment. My role at Agate Bloom Fertility + Birth is one of great privilege, with the honor of holding space and nurturing a warm welcome for a new family. No matter where you live, support is waiting for you

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