Tips to survive ultrasound appointments
When you’re pregnant after infertility or loss, each ultrasound appointment is approached with anticipation and dread. It’s a milestone. You crave it. But it causes a huge amount of anxiety at the same time.
You try to reassure yourself daily and say…..I just need to get to the next scan, and then I’ll feel safe. But in the lead up, you start freaking out and imagining the worst-case scenario. You replay that mental movie in your head, actually imagining the scene where you’re in the room with the ultrasound technician, and you hear the words “I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat”. It feels real. You could even be having nightmares about it too. Because for a lot of us, that feeling is familiar. A scan can be a reminder of a past trauma. One that has now become so raw, because every day feels like a step back in time.
And then if you’re lucky enough to make it to the scan, you sit in the waiting room, in complete silence and terror. There are women who are in the waiting room who are heavily pregnant and clearly feeling excited to see their baby, and you feel the tears well up in your eyes. Because just the sight of them still triggers you, and you crave that feeling of excitement. When you finally make it into the treatment room (after waiting an extra 30 minutes because they’re running late) you’re a complete mess. And if you’re lucky enough to hear that heartbeat, the joy and relief you feel can be fleeting. As soon as you walk out that door, the fear creeps back in. And then you enter yet another race to the next ultrasound appointment.
This is a continual and exhausting cycle, from scan to scan. No, it’s not just you. And there is nothing wrong with you. THIS is pregnancy after infertility or loss.
So how can you make the wait AND the appointment a little less traumatic? Here are some tips you can implement in the lead up, and when you’re in your appointment –
Set the time for your appointments to work in with your day better. There is nothing worse than having an ultrasound appointment scheduled for the beginning of the day and having to rush to work afterward. Or planning them for your lunch hour, so have to run to make them, and then run back to work. Rushing, and also knowing you’re going to have to go back to work after your appointment can raise your anxiety alone. You imagine what you’ll do if you hear bad news and then have to go back to work and act like nothing has happened. You’re already under an immense amount of pressure, so there’s no need to take on more. Try to make your appointments at the end of the day, so you can go home afterward. Or better yet, take the day off. Because you’re going to be emotionally exhausted no matter what.
On the way to your appointment, call the receptionist to make sure they’re on time. If they’re historically late (which most are), you don’t want to be sitting in the waiting room for an hour. It’s only going to escalate your anxiety. And if they are running late, go for a walk in the fresh air before heading in there, or go to the coffee shop around the corner. Waiting rooms can be quite clinical and uninviting, plus they may bring back past trauma if you’ve been there before. So, the least amount of time spent in there, the better.
Music is magic. Seriously. Research has shown that listening to music can reduce anxiety, blood pressure, and pain as well as improve sleep quality, mood, mental alertness, and memory. I’d highly recommend that you create a calming or energizing (depending on what works for you) playlist on your phone. On the way to your appointment, in the car, play it. Put in your headphones and listen to it while you’re sitting in the obscenely quiet and awkward waiting room, and don’t take them out until they’re ready for you. It will help, I promise.
Breathe. When we’re stressed we tend to shallow breathe. So while you’re laying on the table, try some breathing exercises to calm your nerves. Put one hand on your heart, and one hand on your belly, and as you inhale through your nose feel the breath fill your belly, and expand into your lungs. Then exhale through your mouth, feeling the breath deflating your chest and lastly your belly. Keep repeating throughout your appointment if needed.
Selection of your doctor and clinic is SO important. You need to trust your medical team AND they need to be empathetic to how you’re feeling. Communicate to your doctor that you’re feeling anxious, and if you feel dismissed or that they aren’t being accommodating, find someone else. I know this can be stressful in itself, however it is definitely worth it to find a clinic who will be kind to your needs. We need to advocate for ourselves and if your doctor and team are providing unnecessary stress, they’re not for you. You deserve to find a team that will provide you with the support you need – they’re out there – you just have to shop around.
Celebrate. Pregnancy after infertility and loss is hard, so it’s important to get every bit of joy you can out of it. After your appointment, treat yourself. Because every milestone you hit (no matter how big or small) needs to be celebrated. It could be a milkshake, going out for dinner, buying yourself something, getting a massage or your nails done. Something to acknowledge that you are doing great. And you are, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
I know this journey is such a rollercoaster and we can keep living for that moment where we feel safe after we reach a certain milestone. But for a lot of us, that anxiety never leaves – it’s still present. Searching for that safety milestone can be a source of stress in itself.
In my experience, the one thing that helps us reduce our stress is connection. Knowing that you’re not alone and are getting the support you need can provide a huge amount of comfort. Knowing that it’s not just you, and receiving encouragement from those who are also living for the next milestone can help. It also allows you to focus on other things.
So, if you’d like more tips like these, you can join us inside Your Pregnancy Haven by clicking HERE. Because you deserve to feel a little peace in your pregnancy.
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