How do you remain in control of your reactions when pregnant after infertility or loss?

There’s nothing worse than not feeling in control of your emotions, right?!  And when you’re pregnant, there are a LOT of hormones running through your body – some from the pregnancy, and some from the medications you’ve been prescribed to sustain your pregnancy.  Then when you’re pregnant after infertility or loss, it takes it to a whole new level.

It’s easy to see WHY our emotions are all over the place. The first thing I want to say about this is……give yourself a little grace.  Yes, you feel like you’re going nuts, but there is a very good reason.

Having said that, you still want to be able to function in this world, don’t you?  None of us like to have emotional outbursts, because then we feel guilty, and have to keep apologizing.  Plus, you have to go to work, and maintain your relationships - and it’s not helpful when you’re not only scared about your pregnancy, but you’re scared you’re going to unleash on the next unsuspecting person.

I remember my poor husband walking on eggshells around me at times, because I couldn’t control my outbursts.  While I knew I was being completely unreasonable (no, it didn’t matter where on the table he put the salt shaker), I couldn’t stop myself from arguing or crying or both. I thought I was losing my mind.  But I wasn’t.  And nor are you.

I’m here to teach you a way to help you through the high emotions that come on this path, and maintain control of your reactions. That way you don’t have to keep apologizing, seeing people run the other way when you enter a room, and you can stop punishing yourself.

It all has to do with our energy.

When I talk about energy, I'm not just referring to your physical well-being. While that is definitely important, I believe that our mental and emotional energy levels need to be monitored closely and topped up frequently. If we're running on empty, it increases our anxiety (which is already high), and it reduces our ability to control our thoughts and reactions.  This is also the reason why we have trouble stopping ourselves from going down the google rabbit hole.

Being aware of what gives you energy and takes away your energy will be a lifesaver for you during your pregnancy.

But before we go through some examples, it’s important for us to first know when we’re running low on energy.  Just like your car, you have a light that comes on when you’re running low on fuel, right?  We are the same – we have our own warning light, but usually we ignore it.  What is your warning light?  What are the tell-tale signs that you’re about to explode?

It could be that you start to google madly.  It could be snapping at your partner or friends over insignificant things.  It could be road rage or impatience when you’re waiting in a queue for your morning coffee.  Or it could be an intense annoyance at hearing your work colleague sitting beside you clearing their throat, or chewing their food too loudly. 

Take a minute to think of HOW you know when your warning light comes on.  Write them down, and remember them.

The next step is to work out what GIVES you energy.  You know, those small things that allow you to feel a little calmer, to take a deep breath, and that give you a little joy.  When you can literally feel your tank being filled back up.

I’ve listed below some suggestions of energy givers, however I recommend you make your own list and keep adding to it.

• Going out into nature for a hike or a walk on the beach.

• Reading a book.

• Laying in the sun.

• Slowly sipping a cup of tea or coffee.

• Watching a good movie or your favorite television show.

• Having a nap.

• Spending time with your pets.

• A warm bath with a candle and essential oils.

• Hanging out with friends who are supportive or make you laugh.

Now you know what GIVES you energy, it’s equally important to understand what takes your energy away or depletes you.  Once again, here are some suggestions, however I encourage you to make your own list and keep adding to it as you realize the things that deflate you.

• Pregnancy and birth announcements.

• Unhelpful advice or reactions to your pregnancy news.

• People who drain your energy - negativity/lack of support.

• Social situations (if you're an introvert like me).

• Your work.

• Overscheduling or having too many things on your to-do list.

• Bad weather.

• Running late.

• Having to make too many decisions.

• Social media or watching the news.

Right! Now that you know what gives you energy and what takes your energy away, do more of the things that give you energy, and limit your exposure to the things that deplete your energy.  Easy!

Of course we can’t always do this, but you can plan your days accordingly. For example, if you know that social situations drain your energy, and you know you have to catch up with friends on the weekend, make sure you fill your tank beforehand and afterward. If I know I’m catching up with friends for lunch, I’ll make sure I go for a walk on the beach beforehand, then afterward I’ll take a warm bath.

Managing your energy levels ensures your tank stays at a manageable level and your warning light doesn’t have to go off.

Create that awareness and continually ask yourself where your energy levels are.  Then take action to help you stay calm and in control - so you can make room for the joy in your pregnancy. 

Because you deserve it.

You can find more tips like this inside our community, Your Pregnancy Haven. Where you will find the support and comfort to reduce your anxiety and lean a little more into the joy of your pregnancy.

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