Fetal movement; when and how often should you feel your baby move?
Gosh, that moment when you feel your baby move for the first time… there’s nothing like it. Whether you start by feeling flutters, or your first indication is a full-on kick, it’s usually something that you’ve been anticipating for a while.
When you’re pregnant after infertility or loss, feeling baby move is transformative, and you may feel a big relief once you start getting feedback from your baby. However, you might also realize that while baby’s kicks are a nice confirmation, you still find yourself growing really worried when you haven’t felt them in a while.
There is a lot of conflicting advice out there, so let’s go over what to expect with fetal movement, tips on stimulating baby to move, and how to manage the anxiety that you may experience with this new chapter of pregnancy after infertility or loss.
When should I expect to feel my baby move for the first time?
On average, we expect moms to feel some kind of fetal movement between 18-22 weeks. This could be a little sooner or later, and depends on a few factors including baby’s size, how many pregnancies you’ve had, the position of baby’s kicks, and the position of the placenta. The key here is that everyone is different, and every pregnancy is different.
How will I know if they’re moving? What does it feel like?
The smallest movement we can detect is called quickening. It feels kind of like a flutter, little bubbles, pulsations, or muscle spasms. They can be easy to disregard or miss, because they aren’t very strong. Not everyone will experience quickening, especially if you have an anterior placenta. But if you do skip the flutters, be prepared for movements that feel more like jabs, thuds, actual kicks, and rolls. Even still, the intensity of your baby’s movements will vary. They may be kicking into an area with lots of cushioning, where you will stop and touch your stomach wondering, “I think I just felt something?” and other times you’ll be able to feel and see baby moving all at once.
How often should I feel my baby move?
Fetal movements are super random up until 28-32 weeks, but eventually, once you’re into your 3rd trimester, you’ll start to notice your baby has developed a pattern to their movements. This is likely because your body is able to feel movements more consistently, and because your baby will develop a sleep pattern. Once you get to this stage, you can start talking with your provider about how often you should feel kicks or other movements (big or small, all movement matters!).
If I haven’t felt my baby move in a while, what can I do to help get them kicking?
You’ll probably notice you feel your baby moving more while you’re sitting or lying down. When your body is at rest, you are experiencing less stimuli – making your body recognize fetal movements much easier. If you find that, after a really busy day, you haven’t felt any kicks for a while, try giving your body time to rest, time to only focus on your baby. If this isn’t quite working and your baby needs a gentle nudge to get moving, there are a few things you can try.
Have some juice, something sugary, or something really cold
Gently poke your bump
Talk to your baby or play music that’s familiar to them
Shine a flashlight on your bump
When should I be concerned about how much/little I feel them kick?
Always default to what your doctor or midwife recommends when it comes to minimum fetal movements. Most generally, if you’ve reached the 3rd trimester, your provider will be able to give you an idea of a minimum number of kicks or movements you should feel in a certain span of time. If you are doing kick counts according to your provider’s direction, you can try the tricks above to help stimulate movement in that time. Keep in mind your baby’s patterns in movement as well. It’s always recommended to call your provider if you have concerns about lack of fetal movements or if you feel they are moving less than usual. They will guide you in figuring out your next steps. Never feel like a concern is too small, or that you’re bothering the medical staff – they are there for you and want you to feel comfortable, as well as make sure your baby is safe at all times.
I’ve felt really anxious about fetal movements. How do I overcome this?
When you’ve gone through infertility or loss, it might be hard to trust your body or your intuition, based off your past experience. The future is scary as heck, and you can’t predict what’s going to happen. So, when you start to feel your baby move, there’s this instant excitement followed by near-instant worry that the confirmation you just got will go away. And while it may be well-meaning, when people tell you to “just stop counting kicks,” that might not work for you. You don’t want to miss warning signs, nobody does, but because you’ve gone through infertility or loss, you also don’t want to go back to a familiar place. So how do you set a healthy mindset when it comes to fetal movement?
Show yourself some self-compassion: You’ve been through an unimaginable time in your life, and you’re still trekking through this family-building stuff. Try finding an affirmation that speaks to you, something that you can recite or read to yourself when you feel anxiety start to creep in during pregnancy.
Allow yourself to feel: But don’t give it power. When anxiety pulls at you over feeling fetal movements, remind yourself this is a trigger. This is a response. You have the power to find out if your fear or anxiety is based on fact or feeling. If it’s based on feeling, as in your baby is moving enough according to your provider, but you still don’t feel settled, allow that feeling to come, accept it as a feeling, and then allow it to leave. If it’s based on fact, and you need confirmation of your baby’s safety, call your provider right away. Give yourself time to move through your feelings, and know that your medical team is there to support you every step of the way.
Support a focused mindset through fetal movement: Like I’d mentioned before, it’s likely that your provider will be able to give you some guidance on what you should be expecting for fetal movements. To cut back on some obsessing over kicks and not knowing when to be concerned, set goals. Talk with your provider about a healthy regimen for kick-counting, what they want you to be feeling. By creating a to-do list for yourself, you may feel better as you are regularly checking in on your baby’s well-being, and may find yourself less likely to worry in between.
If fetal movement is something that you just can’t shake by yourself, find a support system that can relate. I’ve seen people rally together over shared experiences, fears, symptoms, and more inside Your Pregnancy Haven.
If you’re worried about fetal movement, you’ll fit right in. This, and many other aspects of pregnancy can become triggers for people who’ve experienced infertility or loss. You’re not alone – and you can find comfort in talking with people in this zero-judgement zone.
Build a village through community at Your Pregnancy Haven and the support of a pregnancy doula who specializes in pregnancy after infertility and loss, like at Agate Bloom Fertility & Birth.
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